Love is a proof that you’re alive.
Love is the definition of humanity.
Love is the basis of salvation.
And I’m scared of Love.
Who would’ve thought that I wrote this only a few days ago while I was writing one of my drafts.
Honestly, I’ve been working on this topic for weeks now and all the drafts I’ve written only managed to make it half way.
I don’t know why but whenever I write about love it feels like writing about something I’m not even familiar with but is very common at the same time.
Eager to finish I’ve read Jade’s poems (https://jademwong.wordpress.com), asked my friends and watched lots of romance anime and movies.
They gave me a lot of ideas and I’ve made a lot of drafts but it still only finished halfway.
Eventually, I decided on writing about my frustrations on how difficult love is and how much of a stranger it really is to me (and how uncomfortable love is as a part of my messy life)
I’ve felt attraction towards a lot of guys before but I never really considered those as falling in love or anything deep. I just simply think they’re rather cute or simply interesting
But I address them by saying that I have a crush on that specific person because I have no idea how to say it. Normies would pretty much confuse love with mere attractions and I have no idea why. I guess it’s just really how people see love now, think somebody’s cute and automatically it’s love. Honestly, I think that’s pathetic. I’ve been in a few real relationships before but things never lasted for me.
Probably because I’m scared of loving too much (or getting attached too much) and that goes for friends, family and even things. I already have a rough life with so many rough challenges to get pass through and the presence of love in my life will be like adding more mentos in an over shook bottle of coke. The result is C H A O S! (and a big mess).
And besides, I hate PDA.
Seeing people rub their affection in other people’s faces gives me the chills, I’m the type that assumes that whenever you’re in a relationship with somebody you have to be all lovey-dovey in public or you just have to be lovey-dovey and it’s G R O S S.
Kissing is a no BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO EXCHANGE MOUTH JUICE WITH SOMEBODY? Imagine all the diseases? the germs? N O! Holding hands is a disaster because I have sweaty palms and my partner won’t mind but I will.
I W I L L
Love is so easy for some people because they can handle the pressure, the energy loss and the commitment and they’re not afraid of opening up to somebody (and the commitment) about things that can define who they really are and how they are willing to face different challenges just for that love to last.
I guess you can say that the main reason why Love is so difficult for me to handle or to even write about is not only because it’s a familiar stranger to me but also because I’m scared that love itself or just by simply writing about it can turn into a window where people can see how I desperately crave for happiness in my life and how jealous I am of people who can experience love without fearing about the ending.
Love for me is like laying in a soft water bed
With sharks in it.
And the place is burning down
With scary clowns surrounding you.
It’s crazy and scary but that water bed feels so god damn good.
PS: I’m so sorry for all the love advice I have given people in my life time.
I just wanna let you know that I am not heartless. It’s just really difficult to talk about and I would rather tell you to move on and let it go so you won’t get hurt than to tell you to fight for it and get yourself emotionally murdered in the battle field called love life.