April 22, 2017
A few minutes after I woke up I remembered this particular moment I had at the TedxBSM, about a year ago. We had this activity where we defined something through art and my “artwork” was chosen so I had to go and explain what it meant in front of everyone and when the time came when I was supposed to speak. I was so overcome by anxiety that I stuttered and just rambled about things that didn’t really explain the artwork. It was then the most awkward I have ever been .ever. They had to call in another person to speak because I was just really horrid and after thinking about this memory and feeling the cringe all over again a series of the embarrassing moments just flashed through my head;
Starting from that moment I spoke in completely wrong grammar and stuttered so bad when I first met a friend of mine and she wondered if I was feeling well after she freaking corrected my grammar and judged the heck out of me to that moment I came to congratulate the cute Asian boy who won the Oratorical competition and he thanked me and I answered with a thank you and we just stared at each other and I saw how he was trying not to laugh at my mistake and I just looked at him and gave out a very uncomfortable and awkward laugh, my friend who was with me at that time became a first person witness on how awkward I can be and it really just became a thing we joke about.
I have been deemed as talkative all my life.
People would say that I’m always fighting for something, I always have something to say, I would always voice out my opinions, I was great with speaking in front of people and I had no shame and talking for me was 100% easy.
But in truth it is not, I’ve seen a lot of people encouraging others to use their voices and talk, talk about whatever you want to talk about, use your voice to fight for something, say your opinions, use your voice to define who you are and etc. I’m not against this, my point is, once you’re there, it’s not as easy as it is.
Sometimes thoughts come out differently when you voice them out or even just write about them. Even if you’re outspoken there’s always going to be something that holds you back. This doesn’t really apply for everybody but of course, I’m talking about those moments when you want to say something and it’s there but you just can’t pull them out. The downside about this happening is when people assume that you don’t know the subject or you just don’t have any opinions or you’re just an idiot.
There are times when you’re overwhelmed by the question or the topic that you formulate ideas but the pressure kicks in and when it comes out it’s just a ramble of ideas tied together.
This doesn’t really just apply for when you’re presenting something or when you’re in an interview, it goes even when you’re just going talk to someone.
I don’t really have a direct solution for this, but personally I think you just really need to relax and let things words come out naturally. I think one of the reasons why my thoughts ramble so much and things come out wrong because even if I don’t realize it I let my thoughts pressure me.
Your voice is the direct identification of who you are and I do not mean just your vocal voice but also your writings and your actions. Talking is a form of communication and communication is a form of expression. Errors are bound to happen but that doesn’t mean you should stop communicating.
Don’t be silenced by awkward situations.